So no matter what a mother does, ultimately children learn how to make their own way, even if its not the best path.My 18 year old has decided to move out; she’s still in high school. On the surface this seems like not a big deal, however she’s also have several other ‘issues’; moving out was a way of not having to deal with the serious nature of the problems she’s having.
So everyone has told me, she’s 18, you are not responsible, liable, or obligated to worry, stress, intervene or otherwise change her course of direction in her life any more. I’ve accepted that, though my sub-conscious is still wrestling with the idea.
Honestly though, I think I’m more surprised that the “tough love” attitude I’ve taken hasn’t been harder than it has. I mean there’s the worry (she has a place to stay, food to eat, etc., so she’s safe), and the wishing it would be a different way, and knowing that years down the road she’s going to regret the decision (there’s just no doubt in my mind) but she’s an adult now. She’s free to choose choice A over choice B, AND to suffer any and all consequences that may or may not result from the decision, just like all other adults.
Is this like when they’re 2, and you’re watching them with wobbly legs try to get their balance, and you can see the foot, moving in the wrong direction to keep balance, and you have to force yourself NOT to run over and move their foot in the right place? My guess is its exactly the same, only 16 years later!
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Etsy
Thanks gals! So far things are going okay, but she’s really just moved herself from one “mother” to another, so maybe it will all work out. In the end, I have accepted the fact that this is her life, and she must live it as she determines she must.
I did recognize a bonus, however! My birds now have a fully redecorated room to themselves!! (hehe… think I should feel bad about enjoying that idea?!)
Sounds really really hard, Roxanne. But I think you’re absolutely right that you just have to let her live her life. And then you need to be there without I-told-you-sos if/when she needs you. Tough stuff.
I know my mum found it tough when I moved out at 18. I think in someways its good for the 18 year old though because it forces you to be responsible because if you don’t pay the gas bill, well they turn off the gas! I don’t personally regret moving out at 18 although it wasn’t that far away and it actually allowed me to have some distance and therefore a better relationship with my parents. I hope it works out for your daughter – my thoughts are with you both. Very cute cat btw!